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Tuesday, September 9, 2014

10 Easy Ways To Sound Smarter Than You Really Are

1. Put on thinking cap
2. Surround yourself with even more ignorant people
3. Use big words
4. Stop talking
5. Level the playing field by buying several more rounds
6. Hide your inferiority behind a mask of sarcastic indifference
7. Get a PhD
8. Intimidate anyone who would disagree with you
9. Say it on TV
10. Stuff Nutty Cow into audience's ears

Monday, September 8, 2014

10 Things Hidden In Fine Print

1. The missing floppies
2. Devolution of powers back to the several states
3. True meaning of Christmas
4. An entire DNA sequence written in a grain of rice
5. Whoville
6. Recipe for disaster
7. Microscopic assassins
8. The actual contract
9. Tumbling E's
10. Nutty Cow ingredient list

Sunday, September 7, 2014

50 States To Visit Before You Die


1. Alabama
2. Alaska
3. Arizona
4. Arkansas
5. California
6. Colorado
7. Connecticut
8. Delaware
9. Florida
10. Georgia
11. Hawaii
12. Idaho
13. Illinois
14. Indiana
15. Iowa
16. Kansas
17. Kentucky
18. Louisiana
19. Maine
20. Maryland
21. Massachusetts
22. Michigan
23. Minnesota
24. Mississippi
25. Missouri
26. Montana
27. Nebraska
28. Nevada
29. New Hampshire
30. New Jersey
31. New Mexico
32. New York
33. North Carolina
34. North Dakota
35. Ohio
36. Oklahoma
37. Oregon
38. Pennsylvania
39. Rhode Island
40. South Carolina
41. South Dakota
42. Tennessee
43. Texas
44. Utah
45. Vermont
46. Virginia
47. Washington
48. West Virginia
49. Wisconsin
50. Wyoming

Saturday, September 6, 2014

10 Things To Try Before You Croak

1. Kiss a pig
2. Jump for joy
3. Tongue twister
4. Being one with the log
5. Metamorphosis
6. Something real fly
7. Get your own pad
8. Slip into bed with a pharaoh
9. Play with a sprocket
10. Amphibiously assault a tub of Nutty Cow

Friday, September 5, 2014

14 Things Worse Than Certain Doom

1. Uncertainty
2. Cable out
3. Being forced to do something you don't want to
4. Rejection
5. Gym class
6. Compromising
7. Not taking anyone down with you
8. Public speaking
9. Thinking of perfect comeback after the fact
10. Four Horsemen trample flower bed
11. Can't get no satisfaction
12. Fear and loathing in all the wrong places
13. Liver eaten by eagle on daily basis
14. Nutty Cow sold out

Thursday, September 4, 2014

14 Rocks More Famous Than You

1. Fraggle
2. Castilly
3. Any old rock star
4. The Rock
5. Arkenstone
6. Rock you are hiding under
7. Rock a bye baby
8. Pink Panther
9. The one in the museum
10. Stone that rolls, gathers no moss
11. Asteroid B-612
12. Pet rock
13. Flintstones
14. Nutty Cow, if it were a rock

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

16 Foolproof Dating Strategies

1. Process of elimination
2. Burrow under tree, emerge every 17 years
3. Bingo night
4. Prowl outside speed dating events for the rebound
5. Turn self into frog
6. Wait for AI to improve
7. Sabotage friends' relationships to improve your own chances
8. Administer lie detector test on first date
9. If at first you don't succeed, repeat previous mistakes
10. Accept nothing less than perfection
11. Rifle through celebrity crush's garbage
12. Change relationship status to what it ought to be
13. Wear protection while handling dangerous chemicals together
14. Don't ask, don't tell
15. Become witty & charming
16. Talk with mouth full of Nutty Cow