1. Actual father from future
2. Mutant powers
3. Still have fighting chance at success
4. Natural childbirth prevented their whole life from being ruined
5. Their combined IQ is higher than yours
6. Came with money back guarantee
7. Nanny is teaching them foreign language
8. Unlimited screen time gives them healthy glow
9. You've provided them with a perfect example of what not to become
10. TV role models provide more realistic expectations these days
11. Child support payments are the sincerest form of flattery
12. School lunches free of potentially dangerous natural ingredients
13. Have learned to do as you say, not as you do
14. Cyber bullying giving their avatars character
15. Global climate change helping them to live every day as if it's their last
16. Growing up in world free of racism and homophobia
17. No sense of shame, decency
18. Have yet to discover Dark Side
19. Know how to spell Nutty Cow
